Was it Oklahoma City's tough defensive presence? (no.)
Can you blame it on unfriendly rims? (nope.)
Were they just lazy and lethargic? (negative.)
Was it OKC's 6th man, the sell-out crowd in their generic white NBA Playoffs shirts? (no. ....but you're getting closer.)
It was part of the crowd, but not one of the thousands of screaming, double-shirt wearing fans. It was this guy:
WHAAAA?!? Who is this guy?! Clearly he doesn't belong courtside at an NBA playoff game! He had to be there for some other reason, say, I don't know, hexing the Lakers!!! I've never seen such a creepy dude in my life! Let's be honest, right now as I write this I fear for my life; I'm afraid that as soon as I post this, close my computer, and go to sleep he will appear in my dreams and steal my soul. Or at least make me miss some free throws.
It can't be mere coincidence that this guy was sitting just a few feet away from the L.A. Bench, and suddenly the L.A. roster looks as if it's been replaced by the residents of Silver Acres Retirement Community. One look at that guy and I'm certain he somehow time-warped to Oklahoma from the 1800s and cursed the entire Lakers team.
Other theories include:
-He is a Vampire Hunter (I've always had suspicions about that Phil Jackson...).
-Jack Nicholson sold his soul and his Lakers tickets to the Devil.
-He has been sitting in the same spot in Oklahoma for the past 200 years and they just built the arena around him.
-He is this guy that I remember from an episode of Batman: The Animated Series.
-He gets his evil powers from his scarf (which is probably true, but doesn't rule out any of the other theories).
One thing that really freaks me out is how obviously powerful he is. Besides how bad he made the Lakers look tonight, there is also the fact that he doesn't hide his creepiness from the world. He could have lurked in the shadows and done just as good of a job making L.A. lose, but dude is sitting courtside. In plain sight! He must be powerful enough that he knows nobody will mess with him. And I'm not the only person who noticed him. Evidence suggests that others have seen him and felt his creepy vibes, AND that apparently he has been spotted at other Laker games!
This is clearly disturbing. We may see a result this year that nobody ever thought possible: the Lakers getting knocked out of the first round. Granted, I won't mind a bit.
...in fact, do you think we can get him to go sit by the Nuggets bench too?
Kobe Bryant, arguably the best player in the NBA, can only manage12 points in the presence of this mysterious stranger.
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